we both walked home together after finalizing our divorce papers. the soft cool crunch of the fresh snow pressed under our boots and filled the silence in the air. our mediator commented that she was our “easiest” divorced couple to deal with. right now, between the falling snow, i understood what she meant.
shall i start from the beginning? the details of our wedding and vows are much less impactful and memorable compared to the first 7 years we spent together. i exhaled warm breath into the winter night, trying to recall where we went wrong.
we met during the Toronto Waterfront Marathon – it was your first time. you got in shape after your ex left you, and you spent a year training for the big day. i was impressed by your fortitude and your silky smooth waist length hair. normally i’m not the type of person to approach a stranger, but the ease in our first initial sentences felt like we had known each other for years. we exchanged numbers and i texted you back the night after in a drunken stupor. somehow my alcohol fueled texts weren’t off-putting to you, and we planned our first date at Medieval Times. i know it’s an odd place for a first date but i told you about how i went in middle school, and you mentioned never having been before. i don’t think I told you this part, but i was extremely upset that none of the knights handed you a rose. your worth was a whole rose field to me.
so where did we go wrong? sometime between the first date and our last (6 years into our relationship). the last year was spent in disarray, between contemplating ending it all and marrying you. i chose the later. we rarely fought and i think that was the problem. our passionate love dissolved into reluctant acceptance, which turned into resentment the moment we stopped doing marathons together.
and now back to the present moment – our boots piled up in a watery mess at the front door. we sat down, squished up in my favourite armchair. your elbow was digging into my rib cage, legs twirled together like a jumbled mess. usually your nasally breathing caused by your deviated septum gave me great comfort, but now it only increased my anxiety. i thought about the world without your breathing and i involuntarily tensed up my legs and drew you in closer.